A traffic officer from Louis Trichardt, South Africa, was arrested after he drove at more than twice the speed limit in his personal Mercedes-Benz over the weekend.

Joe Munyai was nabbed near Bandelierkop on the N1 on July 3 by two provincial traffic officials, who had a new mobile recorder in their patrol car, after he allegedly clocked 274km/h in his Mercedes-Benz C200 Kompressor.

The part of the N1 has only single traffic lanes with a speed limit of 120km/h.

“It looked like he was on the Kyalami racetrack,” 24.com quoted Clarissa Naidoo, spokesperson for the provincial traffic department, as saying.

This particular car’s top speed is only 235km/h, according to Media24 motoring journalist Marnus Hattingh.

But Naidoo, as well as Gordon Horn of the Limpopo traffic department and provincial police spokesperson Lieutenant Colonel Mohale Ramatseba, insisted that Munyai had been caught at 274km/h.

Munyai appeared in the Bandelierkop Magistrate’s Court on July 5. Ramatseba said he was released on bail. He will appear in court again on July 9.

Louis Bobodi, spokesperson for the Makhado municipality, said Munyai has not been suspended.

Naidoo said Pinkie Kekana, the MEC for transport, was very upset about the incident.

Next time you’re washing and the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some ‘facts’ about the 1500s.

1. Most people got married in June becauae they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so bride carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour.

2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children – last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it – hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

3. Houses had thatched roofs – thick straw – piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof, hence the saying “Its raining cats and dogs.”

4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up the bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy bends came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying “dirt poor.”

5. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread ‘thresh’ (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kep adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, hence a “threshold.”

6. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”

7. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach into the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so tomatoes were considered poisonous.

8. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.”

9. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait to see if they would wake up, hence the custom of “holding a wake.”

10. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone house” and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would ties a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (“the graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”

1. I always wanted To have someone to hold, Someone to love. After meeting you…
(inside card)
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, You brought religion into my life…
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by I think how lucky I am…
(inside card)
That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go…
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card)
Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age…
(inside card)
Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, You said you’d die for me…
(inside card)
Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.

8. We’ve been friends for a very long time…
(inside card)
What do you say we stop?

9. I’m so miserable without you…
(inside card)
It’s almost like you’re still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket…
(inside card)
I’d miss you terribly
And think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday…
(inside card)
So we’re having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia)

14. Looking back over the years we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder…
(inside card)
What was I thinking?

“Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.” (Sharon Stone).

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” (Courtney Cox-Arquette).

“I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more interested by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” (Jerry Garcia).

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” (Barbara Bush).

“Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” (Robin Williams).

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” (Billy Crystal).

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” (Rod Stewart).

“On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.” (Bruce Willis – on the difference between men and women).

“And God said, ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.” (George Burns).

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an aeroplane: either you have diarrhoea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” (Henry Kissinger).

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.” (Steve Jobs – founder of Apple Computers).

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?’ (Arnold Schwarzenegger).

“Things you’ll never hear a woman say: ‘My, what an attractive scrotum.’” (Patricia Arquette)

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White Shark or a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” (Axel Rose – Guns’n’Roses).

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” (Jack Nicholson).

“Woman complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” (Roseanne).

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas men are just grateful.” (Robert De Niro).

“Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” (Dustin Hoffman).

“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.” (Elizabeth Taylor).

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” (Robin Williams).

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it is a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to enquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, books, boxes or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job, don’t tell me which has priority – I’m psychic!

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret, because if it gets out it might mean promotion or a pay rise for me!

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to people who are with you. I have no right to know anything.. In the corporate food chain I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to Manager’s Hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it is nice to know someone less fortunate. I especially like the one about the bonus cheque your received.

13. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goal should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating and cost of living increase. I am not here for the money.